She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
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