I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
organizing the empties. That sober.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
