Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
