Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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