i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
