You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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