What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
