I swear she didn't look like that last week.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
