just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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