Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
not ubering you a puppy
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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