haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i now understand why vodka
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
