update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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