Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
