That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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