your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
