well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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