finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
