The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Im part way to drunk.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
