I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
