What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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