Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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