It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
