the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
