There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
