i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
