he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
