a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
