I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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