i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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