Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
