I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I forgot how hot balto sounded
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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