You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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