I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
