she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
