my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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