i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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