after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
