I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
