After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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