My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
