a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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