I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
