I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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