Your mouth is God's brothel.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
