she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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