I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
