"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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