I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
