Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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