Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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