Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I pour the whiskey from now on
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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