my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
