I must be too annoying 4 u.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
