he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
