He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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