Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
