He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I'm really busy with my period
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